Ichi
by Sailor Seraphim
Summary: Meet the Boy who would be the Perfect Soldier. What memories lurk in Heero Yuy's mind, never to see the light of day? Part of the Numerals Series.


Ichi  
The Numerals Series  
A Gundam Wing Fanfic  
by:  
Sailor Seraphim  
  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Author's Notes:  
  
I do not own Gundam Wing or any of its related characters. If I did the series would be chock-full of shounen ai goodness. I do, however, own the situations which occur in this fic.  
  
SPOILERS for Gundam Wing TV Series, Endless Waltz, and Episode Zero (all of it, though mostly Heero's). Also, you might want to take a look at the rest of "The Numerals Series." While you don't have to read the fics in any particular order, the ones before this are: "Wu," "Pair," "Third," and "Arbaa."  
  
RANT  
I am of the belief that Doctor J's "training" of Heero stripped him of most of his memories of childhood. That, or Heero voluntarily supressed his own memories because they were so painful. Proof for my assumption lies in the fact that there are no records of Heero ever being on Earth before Operation Meteor (Episode Zero) and the tragic memory of the little girl and her puppy that Heero is forced to re-live when he uses Wing ZERO (Endless Waltz).  
/RANT  
  
I'm playing with Heero's past here. You are warned.  
  
GW fact of the fic: Heero didn't recieve his codename of "Heero Yuy" until minutes before he was sent to Earth for Operation Meteor.  
  
WARNINGS for angst, violence, random flashbacks, and disjointed commentary.  
  
Enjoy!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
  
  
Juu.  
  
  
  
"'kaa-san? 'kaa-san? Doko iru ka, 'kaa-san?! 'KAA-SAN!!!"  
  
It was dark and cold and the Boy stumbled around blindly, scrubbing at his Prussian eyes, red-rimmed from his crying. He didn't know what had happened. He had been taking a nap when his 'kaa-san had picked him up, whispering something about not crying or saying anything. He had obeyed his 'kaa-san... it was very important... and just clutched her around the neck as she ran out of their house. When they reached the street, the Boy had watched in amazement from his 'kaa-san's arms.  
  
Everyone was outside, too!  
  
There was a lot of running and yelling. The Boy had smiled. Maybe it was a party. There had been a large party for his birthday, and everyone had been in the streets, laughing and dancing. Was it his birthday again? The Boy didn't know.   
  
But the neighbors did not look very happy. The Boy looked around, recognizing some neighbor children -- they were sitting on the sidewalk, crying. Why were they crying?  
  
Then the loud boom had come. 'kaa-san had screamed and fell down, and the Boy had started to cry because the noise was so loud and then he felt too hot. There was a bright light too, that had dazzled his Prussian eyes and hurt terribly.   
  
And 'kaa-san had yelled so loud and was crying.  
  
And then he hit his head as 'kaa-san fell on top of him, and then the Boy didn't remember any more. He had just woken up, and it was dark, and there was something black and heavy laying on him, that broke apart into dust when he wiggled out from under it.  
  
And 'kaa-san was gone.  
  
He had started to cry then, calling out for his 'kaa-san. Where was she? 'kaa-san had said that she would never leave him alone. She had said that she would not be like 'tou-san, who was gone now and went into the sky. 'kaa-san said she would always be there! She said it!  
  
As the Boy wandered through the dark street, where pretty red-orange fires where burning, he came across some other people and children but none were his 'kaa-san. He was cold and dirty and hungry and no one would pay attention to him. All the adults were angry and crying, and all he understood was that something was a "mistake" and a "failure" and that it was very bad. Passingly, the Boy decided that anything that had taken his 'kaa-san away was a bad thing. But the Boy didn't care, really, about what the adults were saying.  
  
He had to find his 'kaa-san.  
  
  
  
Kyuu.  
  
  
  
"Emotions?! They're worthless! He's a failure! Our weapon doesn't need emotions! Retrain him immediately! "  
  
They had locked him in his room.  
  
Doctor J and some other doctors in rumpled white lab coats had been arguing with some man in a military uniform. The Boy knew who he was, but did not care to recall the information at the moment. He was still reeling from the tremendous mistake he had made. Perhaps he had miscalculated in returning to the Lab with the puppy's body in his arms. He had heard the outrage in the Leader's voice as the Boy was immediately restrained and thrown in his room; the puppy's body had been taken away from him as well.  
  
The Boy hadn't cared at the moment. He had made a mistake -- his calculations had been imperfect. Innocents had died because of his error.   
  
He heard the words ring through his mind.  
  
//Worthless.//  
  
//Failure.//  
  
He couldn't be a failure. He couldn't. He had to be perfect.   
  
Perfect.  
  
The Perfect Weapon.  
  
The Perfect Soldier.  
  
Anything less and he would be a failure.  
  
He could not be a failure.  
  
Did emotions make him weak? Were emotions what made him imperfect?  
  
Prussian eyes looked down at the fragile yellow flower clutched in his hand.  
  
Very well.  
  
He would destroy his emotions.  
  
And then he would be perfect.  
  
Not a failure.  
  
He crushed the flower and dropped it on the floor, grinding it beneath his heel.  
  
//Perfect.//  
  
  
  
Hachi.  
  
  
  
//--maigo na no? Ne, maigo?//  
  
The sweet words from the innocent girl flooded his mind. He could never outrun them. He could never answer the question. The question became a curse.   
  
Echoing.   
  
Screaming.   
  
Over and over.  
  
"... no... no... no..."  
  
//Ne, maigo?//  
  
Her blank blue eyes gazed at him, offering him a flower.  
  
"... Ore no miss da..."  
  
//Ne, maigo?//  
  
She was reaching out towards him, bright red blood dripping down the charred length of her arm. The fragile yellow flower in her hand mocked him. It stared at him, its yellow petal accusing him of the most dreadful of crimes. The girl was saying something else. He didn't understand. He couldn't run away. The puppy barked and he shied away, but the girl continued to follow him, yellow flower still in her bloody hand.  
  
//Ne, maigo?//  
  
He reached out towards the flower.   
  
It burst into flame before he could take it.  
  
The girl was screaming now, a ringing high-pitched tone that rang through his ears and threw him from his precarious perch.  
  
He was falling.  
  
//Ne, maigo?//  
  
Alarm.   
  
Prussian eyes snapped open.  
  
Awake.   
  
A young body pulled itself out of bed.  
  
Time for training.   
  
A young mind forced away the sleepy complaints of its unconscious.  
  
Ryoukai.   
  
A young soul screamed one last time before it was banished to darkness once more.  
  
No more dreams.   
  
No more nightmares.  
  
  
  
Nana.  
  
  
It was... pretty.  
  
The sky was clear and blue, with white clouds floating gently through it. It was like the pictures he had sometimes seen in books or magazines. There was even a slight breeze... one that carried a smell of rain and flowers and sunshine. It was very different from the recycled air on a colony, or the artificial light and environment in the floating human habitations.  
  
He looked down, scuffing his foot across the ground. The green grass tore, exposing their delicate roots and the fresh brown dirt. Small insects took to the air at the invasion, flying off together in a glittering cloud.  
  
Even the ground was alive. It was amazing.  
  
"What are you loitering around for, boy?!" the man's voice -- Odin's -- snapped. "Get over here before I decide you aren't worth the trouble!"  
  
The Boy grinned and ran over to the small encampment.   
  
  
  
Roku.  
  
  
The Boy glared as hard as he could at the obstacle in his path.  
  
Doctor J had sent him out on a simple intelligence gathering mission, one that the Boy had accomplished well within the boundaries of his mission time limit. But now, he was in danger of overstepping the time limit because of this... nuisance.   
  
The Boy had been heading back to Doctor J's labs, making sure that he had not been followed from the Federation base, the small camera tucked securely in his green tank top. But even as he had made his way back, the colony's weather systems had opened up, drenching rain falling from the skies in a simulated thunderstorm. The Boy had blinked, then taken shelter under the eaves of storefronts which hung over a portion of the sidewalk. He had continued at an even pace, barely getting wet as he made sure to stay under the canopies. Then, as he had continued to walk towards the labs, his tousled brown head focused on the ground he was walking on, the Boy had run smack into another person.  
  
Ordinarily, the Boy would have continued walking, would have shoved past the other person. But this person had grabbed his arm, halting his escape. Prussian eyes rose in a defiant glare and then froze.  
  
Standing in front of him was an older boy wearing a Federation cadet's uniform. Doctor J had always told him to steer clear of Federation soliders and cadets. It was no secret that the Federation often forced suitable people to "voluntarily join" their ranks. Doctor J had said that the Boy was turning out to be a good solider and would no doubt be coerced into the Federation ranks. That would be disastarous to the mission. Being caught would be a huge failure and the Boy had been trained to eliminate himself rather than work for the enemy.  
  
"Why don't you answer me?" the uniform-clad boy demanded, still not releasing the Boy. His free hand reached up to pull the dark sunglasses away from his face and the Boy stared. The cadet's ice blue eyes seemed to tear its way through the Boy's soul, stealing his secrets. It was as if this cadet could tell that the Boy was more than some orphaned colony brat. He didn't like this feeling. He continued to keep his Prussian eyes glaring at his antagonizer.  
  
"I said," the cadet's cultured voice asked. "where do you think you're going? Aren't you even going to apologize for nearly knocking me into the street?"  
  
The Boy still did not answer. The cadet was haughty, his voice full of his own self-worth. The cadet was no real soldier! His white-blond hair was far to long to be a regulation cut. He was probably some politician's son, had probably bought his way into the ranks. The Boy sneered. This cadet probably didn't know what it meant to train from morning to night, to spend every waking moment preparing for war. This... toy soldier was going to upset the Boy's mission because of his ego! He would never capitulate! He would not give the cadet the satisfation of an empty apology. If it weren't for the fact that they were in the middle of a busy sidewalk and that a cadet would be missed, the Boy would have eliminated this distraction immediately.  
  
As if he could read his thoughts, the cadet tensed, his hand gripping the Boy's arm even tighter. "You seem suspicious," he said. "You will come with me--"  
  
"Merquise! There you are!" A voice exploded from no where. The cadet dropped the Boy's arm and whirled around in time to see a young girl in cadet's uniform running up.   
  
"Where have you been? We need to go back to the Base! There's been a security breech and everyone has to return for instructions..."   
  
"Where did he go?" the blond cadet asked himself, pale blue eyes searching up and down the empty street.  
  
"Merquise? Zechs?" the dark-haired girl gazed curiously at her fellow cadet. "Are you alright?"  
  
The cadet blinked. "I'm quite fine, Noin. Let's go back to the base."  
  
The Boy was gone.  
  
  
  
Go.  
  
  
  
He pulled the trigger.  
  
Almost before the sharp retort of the gunshot rang through the air, Odin was moving -- disassembling his sniper rifle and packing it away to make his retreat.  
  
The Boy continued to watch out of the high window as the people below screamed and panicked, unsure as to why their leader had fallen. One small boy was dragged screaming and kicking away from the body of the fallen man. His resplendent red silks were ripped and torn and his inky black hair tangled across his face. Rimless spectacles shattered on the ground as the boy was taken away, calling out one word over and over again.  
  
"GRANDFATHER! GRANDFATHER!!!"  
  
In his passion, the Chinese boy managed to injure some of his caretakers before he was thrown over a burly man's shoulder and hauled off. The Chinese boy writhed in the large man's grip, his dark eyes darting everywhere; for a brief instant the Boy feared he and Odin had been seen, but the Chinese boy continued to cry and wail.  
  
"Let's go, boy."  
  
The Boy nodded and turned away from the scene below without blinking.  
  
  
  
Shi.  
  
  
  
Odin frowned as he studied the glowing screen of outbound flights on the terminal before him.  
  
"What's wrong, old man?"  
  
"Don't call me that, boy," Odin snapped. He gestured to the screen and then at the full-length windows where one could watch the shuttles taking off into black space. "Our flight's been delayed."  
  
The Boy frowned. "Will this affect our mission?"  
  
"Always about the mission, aren't you, boy?"  
  
The Boy didn't answer.  
  
"No... this won't effect us much. I wonder what it would be like... to be so rich that you can have spaceports closed just for you? Would you like that, boy? Would you like to be a Winner?"  
  
The Boy narrowed his flat Prussian eyes and stared resolutely through the reinforced plasteel of the windows. Odin didn't expect an answer. Why did he do such things, ask questions he didn't want answers to? There was a flurry of action and the Boy whirled around, watching as the crowds in the spaceport parted like a sea before a knot of men in business suits. And in that knot was a tall man, talking with his associates.  
  
Almost out of place among them was a young boy, his blond hair a contrast to the dull browns and blacks of the people surrounding him. He walked through the crowd, shoulders back and a disaffected look on his face; as if he expected the people to fall out of his way. Suddenly, the blond's head lifted and he pierced the Boy with an intense marine gaze. Just as abruptly, the blond tossed his head and dismissed the Boy without even a further thought, stepping through the airlock doors.  
  
"Would you like to be a Winner?" Odin asked again.  
  
The Boy frowned. There was something wrong with that blond boy. He was not happy, surrounded by his power, his wealth; he was not even happy he had a father who was standing right next to him.  
  
"No. I don't want to be him."  
  
  
  
San.  
  
  
  
"They're mercenaries, boy. We are, too, I guess. We're two of a kind, selling our skills to the highest bidder. You're lucky you're with me, boy. Would you like to be like him? That other one over there? Our life isn't so bad, is it?"  
  
Prussian eyes looked up from the disassembled pistol and glanced quickly at the mercenary boy crouching near the mercenaries' tents. The mercenary boy dressed in dull camoflague was absently petting some sort of animal. A harsh voice barked out from the inside of one of the tents. The animal -- a cat -- bolted away at the sound. The mercenary boy looked up with no expression on his face and moved towards the voice, long brown bangs shading his eyes. As the mercenary boy passed by the Boy and Odin, the Boy caught a quick glimpse of flat green eyes.  
  
The Boy did not answer Odin's question and turned back to assembling his gun in under 60 seconds.  
  
  
  
Ni.  
  
  
  
Children.   
  
Running.   
  
Yelling out to each other.   
  
Flat Prussian eyes surveyed the scene of chaos occuring two floors below him. A gang of children had barreled into a store, wreaking havoc and occupying the attention of the weary store owner. Almost unseen, two children had slipped through the back door, their arms laden with their stolen spoils of war. The boy with dusty blond hair shouted to his companion and the child (boy? girl?) with matted chestnut hair followed immediately, easily side-stepping the owner's large arms that grabbed at him futilely. The child (a boy) stuck his tongue out at the infuriated adult and ran off, cackling gleefully.  
  
As if he knew he was being watched, the long-haired boy raised his eyes unerringly up to where the Boy was sitting. The action startled the Boy before his Prussian eyes narrowed in anger at his own carelessness in being seen. The chestnut-haired boy winked cheekily and waved, shouting something in a language that the Boy did not understand yet.  
  
"Boy. Come here. It's time for some more training."  
  
The Boy pulled away from the window. Idle thoughts of what it would be like to be so free drifted through his mind before they were relentlessly driven away by the thoughts of his training.  
  
A flat monotone voice answered the scientist's call.  
  
"Hai, Doctor J."  
  
  
  
Ichi.  
  
  
  
He fell out of the darkness.  
  
He collapsed onto the cold unforgiving concrete of the floor. His whole body shook with a trembling he could not control. Dark brown bangs were sodden and plastered to his forehead with his own sweat. He could not think... could not see... could not feel anything... anywhere. An animal instinct claimed him and he curled up into a small ball, tucking his legs up against his chest and wrapping thin arms around them.   
  
He continued to shiver.  
  
He didn't understand... couldn't comprehend... why was this happening to him?  
  
//'kaa-san? Doko iru ka, 'kaa-san?//  
  
It hurt so bad.  
  
A voice cackled somewhere above him and the Boy trembled more, the high-pitched laugh lancing through his mind and totally shattering anything that was there.  
  
"Good! Very good, my boy. You've done very well in your training. But this isn't good enough. You haven't come as nearly as far as you should. Your marks should have been at least 6.23... you're only at 5.1 at best. You can't have that can you, boy? You don't want to be a failure, do you?"  
  
Failure.  
  
//The Alliance says that it was an accident. The guidance system failed.//  
  
//He's a failure!//  
  
//So this is the mission you didn't accomplish?//  
  
Death.  
  
//So all these innocent people died because of their mistake?!//  
  
//Our weapon doesn't need emotions! Retrain him immediately!//  
  
//Ninmu kanryou.//  
  
He couldn't be a failure.  
  
Failure meant death.  
  
Gritting his teeth, the Boy forced his exhausted body up from the ground, managing to stay on his feet without any help. His body still shook with faint tremors but he steeled himself and forced his body to obey his will.   
  
From beneath messy brown bangs, Prussian eyes glared at the Doctor.  
  
"Ah... so I see that you are ready for more. Very well. It is your decision afterall."  
  
Ignoring the screaming pain from his body and soul, the Boy climbed into the simulator again.  
  
And the heavy steel door slammed shut, trapping him in the darkness once more.  
  
  
  
  
Zero.  
  
  
  
"Ninmu ryoukai."  
  
His stance was defiant, proud. He knew that any cameras watching the events taking place would no doubt be able to record his face and vitals for future use. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered. The mission. Always the mission.   
  
His thumb pressed down on the glaring red button in his hand.  
  
//Onii-chan, maigo na no? Ne, maigo?//  
  
//I've been lost all my life.//  
  
He reached out, his hand finally grasping the fragile yellow flower the girl offered to him. Her smile was brilliant.  
  
His world dissolved into a bright flash of light, sound, and he was flying... truly flying for the first time in his life.  
  
And he wasn't a failure.  
  
  
  
  
-- Owari --  
  
  
-----------------------------------  
Language Check:  
  
Ichi -- One, in Japanese. If you can't tell, the numbers are counting down backwards from ten to zero.  
  
"'kaa-san? 'kaa-san? Doko iru ka, 'kaa-san?! 'KAA-SAN!!!" -- "Mother? Mother? Where are you, mother?! MOTHER!!!"  
  
'tou-san -- Father  
  
"Onii-chan, maigo na no? Ne, maigo?" -- "Big brother, are you lost? Hey, are you lost?" The infamous words from the Unnamed Girl from Endless Waltz.  
  
"Ore no miss da." -- "It was my fault (mistake)." Heero says this when he accidentally kills Marshal Noventa and the other Federation Pacifists.  
  
"Ninmu ryoukai." -- "Mission accepted."  
  
"Ninmu kanryou." -- "Mission completed." 


End file.
